You’re smart, capable, and successful. You’ve built a thriving business, navigated tough challenges, and gained recognition in your field. So why do the four words “I should know better” keep you stuck?
If you’re like some of the people I work with, this statement has become an invisible prison that keeps you stuck in cycles of perfectionism, overthinking, and self-doubt.
You’ve made the continual pressure to get everything right seem normal, without realising that that same expectation is what makes you feel overwhelmed.
The “I should know better” spiral
It starts out fine. You make a mistake—maybe because you didn’t understand what a client wanted, forgot to follow up on an important email, or misjudged a situation.
That voice that sounds so familiar starts up: “I should know better by now.”
What happens next is predictable and destructive:
You start to dissect what went wrong with forensic precision. Was it your way of doing things? Did you miss something in the details? Was it your judgement? Was it something you said?
You keep going over the situation in your head, looking for the ‘lesson’ that you clearly missed the first time.
To avoid future mistakes, you overprepare.
You make more systems, double-check everything, and make simple things more complicated.
As you try to think of every possible scenario, the pressure increases.
But here’s the cruel irony: the more pressure you put on yourself, the more likely you are to make another mistake. And when you do, that voice comes back stronger than ever: “See, I really should know better.”
The trap isn’t what you think it is.
One of my clients had a breakthrough when she realised, “I spent so much time thinking about what I should do instead of just doing it.”
The trap isn’t that you don’t know better. You have the knowledge and are excellent at what you do. The trap is in believing that your thoughts—specifically your self-critical thoughts—are beneficial.
The “should know better” spiral traps you, getting in the way of any helpful learning. You’re punishing yourself for being human by seeing normal learning experiences as proof that you’re not good enough.
What happens when you see through the illusion?
Making mistakes is a natural part of learning. Mistakes don’t define you; they’re how people learn. Any expert in any profession has made countless mistakes on their way to becoming one.
If you truly recognised that mistakes serve as feedback rather than failures, what might you attempt?
What kind of tasks would you start if you were sure you could learn and adapt as you went?
When you stop thinking that being hard on yourself makes you better, that your self-critical thoughts lead to improvement, something amazing happens—you become more present, more creative, and much more effective. You begin responding to situations with clarity rather than reacting out of fear.
The way ahead
You don’t need extra strategies to deal with your perfectionism. You don’t need better processes to stop making mistakes.
Instead, remember that the voice that says “I should know better” is only a thought—it’s not true and not helpful. It’s just a thought—and you don’t have to believe it.
Your wisdom doesn’t come through analysing every mistake until you’ve gotten to the bottom of it.
Wisdom is already within you beneath all the noise.
Clarity, ease, and confidence show up when you’re present.
When you are present enough, you can respond to each new situation as it occurs, knowing that you have everything you need to deal with whatever happens next.
The next time you catch yourself in the “should know better” spiral, pause.
Notice that it’s just your thoughts.
Recognise that it’s okay to be human, to learn, to make mistakes, and to continue growing.
You already know what to do. You don’t have to prove it to yourself anymore.
If this resonates, I’d love to have a chat:
https://calendly.com/sandytannerbookings/free-connection-call
Or, why not book one of my complimentary Clarity Hour gifts? These gifts are exclusively available in July:
